Being diagnosed with BPD.

This post isn't a particularly easy one to write, but I wanted to do it even if it just helped one person going through the same thing as I am. If you've read previous posts of mine you may have noticed I have mental health issues. For years all I've wanted is a diagnosis, I've just wanted somebody to tell me this is what you have and this is how we can help because deep down I've always known it was more than depression and anxiety. 

Finally, this week I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, or as the professionals like to call it 'Emotionally unstable personality disorder'. I still haven't quite processed it all because I've had so many mixed emotions since my assessment with the psychiatrist. I and my parents have fought so hard to get to this point, endless GP appointments, hospital admissions, and self-help but nothing was getting me the help I needed. It wasn't until my last hospital admission early November of this year things finally started to progress and I was starting to get the help I so badly wanted and needed. 

Getting that diagnosis was just one step in the right direction, I felt instant relief which may sound a bit bizarre to other people, but when you've gone through years of not really knowing what's wrong with you for someone to tell you it's because you have an illness makes all the difference. I finally had some answers to why I act and feel the way I do. For most of that day, I didn't give it a second thought until I got home and then all these mixed emotions hit me like a ton of bricks, I suddenly felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to cry, but I was also happy, I wanted to tell everybody that mattered to me, but I also wanted to keep it to myself in fear that people would think differently of me. I got myself into a bit of a mess emotionally because I finally had the answers I wanted but now what do I do? I had no idea. I guess I still really don't have any idea, but what I do know is that I am getting the support I need and I'm extremely lucky to have such a supportive network around me who keep me going when I want to give up.

For some having that label of an illness put on them may make them feel even worse and for me, I guess part of me does feel a bit of a failure but in most parts, I'm just happy that it has been noticed and the correct help can be put in place for me to live in a way that my illness won't be my life, it will just be a tiny part of it which I'll have control of. 

Having a mental illness does not make you weird, broken or weak, it just means you have to work a little harder in life to make sure you have ultimate power over yourself rather than your illness.

Just remember...